How does the Lord call one to a religious vocation? For me, it first happened in the quiet stillness of dawn, when the world was still veiled in darkness. Like the young Samuel, I did not recognize it immediately. The Lord called me twice during my teenage years, and though I initially responded with a hesitant 'yes,' the pull of filial piety rooted in Asian culture held me back. I assumed my path was to be fruitful in another way—through family and worldly accomplishments. But life did not unfold as I had imagined, and I found myself wandering like the Israelites in the desert, searching for my true purpose for over twenty years.
In the Wilderness: A Journey Inward
Driven by a desire for financial stability, I decided to work in the Gulf. My life revolved around work, advancing my education to climb the corporate ladder, and sports, while my faith dwindled to a mere ritual—a vacation-church-goer at best. It was as if I were a ship lost at sea, drifting closer to a perilous waterfall. In a moment of desperation, I turned to Our Blessed Mother, whispering, "Please help me; I am losing my way."
The Lord's Prayer and Rosary: Life's Anchor
Amidst the tempest of my life, the nightly recitation of the Lord's Prayer and a single decade of the Rosary became my lifeline. These prayers, simple yet profound, were my saving grace. They reminded me of the strength found in repetition, drawing me deeper into meditation and the mysteries of God's work. Even in my confusion, I knew that prayer was a force for good, a way to align my will with God's and support all that is beautiful and true.
A Prelude to Conversion
My sojourn in the Gulf, where Christianity is restricted, became a strange yet fitting preparation for what lay ahead. The Lord called to me again during visits to Lourdes and Fatima, but each time I responded, “Not yet,” burdened by family responsibilities and my own insecurities. It wasn't until I handed out Miraculous Medals from Lourdes to colleagues that one whispered, "Are you Catholic?" Her question startled me, and I realized how far I had drifted from my faith. She introduced me to a community where I could attend Mass, a revelation that rekindled my hunger for the Eucharist.
In the Footsteps of Martyrs
Over time, I came to know the story of St. Arethas and his Companions, who faced martyrdom with unwavering faith. Their courage in the face of persecution reminded me that the Church has always been, and will continue to be, a persecuted Church. The blood of martyrs, as Tertullian once said, is the seed of the Church. This realization stirred something within me—a call to embrace suffering and bear witness to Christ, even if it meant giving up my own life. Yet, I hesitated, clinging to my unworthiness and fear.
Final Affirmation
The Lord's call came a fifth and final time during another pilgrimage, in a humble grotto in Jordan. There, before Our Blessed Mother, I finally said 'yes' to the life He was calling me to lead. The weight of years of doubt and denial lifted, and I felt a profound sense of peace and joy. I kept this revelation to myself, afraid and unsure, until one homily spoke directly to my heart. "It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you," the words echoed within me, dispelling my doubts.
Living in His Light: I Live No Longer, But Christ Lives in Me
Through prayer and guidance, I came to understand that my unworthiness was precisely why the Lord called me. His grace and mercy are extended to all who acknowledge their sins and seek His love. My journey, from a life entangled in worldly concerns to one centered on Christ, has been a transformation of the deepest kind. With the intercession of St. Arethas and Our Lady of Arabia, I peeled away layers of doubt and fear, embracing a new identity rooted in Christ's love and forgiveness. I saw an opportunity to do something beautiful for Christ as He lives through me.
New Beginning
Today, I walk the path of consecration with joy and purpose, inspired by the charism of St. John de Matha and the wisdom of saints like St. Faustina and St. Francis of Assisi. I am no longer distressed by the world or my past but find rest in the presence of God. My life's goal is to serve with an undivided heart, putting nothing before the love of Jesus Christ. I thank the Lord daily for His divine mercy and the grace to live my life for Him.
In this journey, I have learned that true joy and fulfillment come from abandoning oneself completely to God's will. As I continue to grow in faith, I hold onto the words of Pope Benedict XVI, who reminded us that holiness is not about never failing but about the capacity for conversion, repentance, and forgiveness. My prayer is that I may always act according to God's will, serving others with the gifts I have received, and that my life may be a testament to His love and mercy.
God is Love
Pope Francis inspires me to be open to the joy of the Gospel and to be unafraid of its challenges. Ephesians 4:1-6 says: "We are ONE BODY, ONE LORD, ONE FAITH, ONE BAPTISM." For the joys and love you give me, for the graces you shower me, my gratitude to you will always be, JESUS I LOVE YOU. My life may be likened to a precious book where treasures are found in the way we have chosen to live.
It’s my utmost prayer that the Lord will hold my hand and guide me through the Cross, to go wherever He wants me to. I'm never alone in my suffering, and He'll always be by my side. My goal is to be obedient in everything just as Jesus was obedient to His Father, to fulfill the purpose He has laid for me.
Looking around at the world, it is utterly distressing; looking within, it is depressing; but looking at God, one finds peace, rest, and love. And so, I journey forward, guided by the light of Christ, ever striving to be a vessel of His grace and love in a world that so desperately needs it.
Prayer: Lord, please give me the grace, strength, and perseverance to do your Holy Will, and that I may use the talents I have received from you to serve others wholeheartedly as your faithful steward. Amen.
Photo: Marker at the grotto dedicated to the Blessed Virgin Mary in Jordan, where Sr. Mary Jennifer finally embraced her religious calling.
(Editor’s Note: Sr. Mary Jennifer, who had worked in the Gulf for over two decades, is now a religious sister belonging to the Sisters of the Most Holy Trinity in Rome, Italy. Her journey to consecrated life is one of perseverance and reliance on God’s will.)
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